Monday 18 February 2019

Changes

It's Jeet Kune Do tonight. Even thought I had the courage to start taking part in Salsa classes again last week, and even started attending Yoga, I'll probably make every excuse I can come up with for not going to JKD. It seems strange, because martial arts have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember - well, since I was seven years old anyway. So, what has changed? The answer to that question seems to be that I have.

The break from formal martial arts practice (in a class) was far longer than the break I had from my work. Even in my work though, I struggled after taking that break, and found that I had to adjust my way of working to account for no longer being quite the same.

In Salsa too, there's the sense of now being a very different dancer - not just in the way I dance but in the person who's present on the dance floor. Sometimes I wish I was still that awkward guy who was learning to dance, but said little and was really only there for the lessons. By slow degrees, I was pulled into the social aspects of the hobby, and there are friends in the dance scene who I wouldn't change for anything, but interacting with others is also at the root of many of the difficulties I'm now having with Salsa.

It would be all too easy to hide away from the world at the moment, becoming increasingly isolated and, to be honest, feeling a lot worse for it. What I'm currently reading about the effects of trauma, however, is that taking such action would be detrimental to my recovery. Another drawback of becoming isolated would be the negative impact on my health of the tendency to become more sedentary when alone.

I keep telling myself that it's just an hour of my time. Something else is going on though. There's a reluctance to spend time with other people, and the difficulty is in understanding why that should be. Maybe there's a vague feeling that I have to come to terms with how I've changed and am still changing, before feeling fit for the company of others.

Tuesday 12 February 2019

Loneliness

It's not easy to admit to feeling lonely: It's something that seems to affect many of us, though we suffer in silence, suspecting we may be seen as pathetic or pitiful should the truth be known. All the while, technologies which were apparently developed to maintain connections between us and those we care for seem only to create distance between us.

When I happen to catch the news, or log in to social media, there's a lot about politics, religion and other things which highlight how we differ. Some publicly state that those who subscribe to certain beliefs lack intelligence. That feels strange to me: I've always held that, once we start to believe we're superior to another, we prove beyond doubt that we are not.

Everywhere I look, I see evidence for Henri Tajfel's Social Identity Theory. As much as we define ourselves by what we are, we passionately affirm that there are things we are not, whether that voice is held internally or we share our thoughts with the outer world. At our worst, we demonise, and recoil from, those who differ from us in ways we are unwilling or unable to accept.







There's a clear focus on the things which separate us, rather than the things which connect us. The result, unsurprisingly, is a feeling of separation, rather than connection. We learn that loneliness can be felt just as much in the company of those who don't understand or respect us as it can when we're alone - perhaps even more so.

The rare opportunities I find to spend time with friends are beyond value, but also feel increasingly like an act of rebellion against current social norms. I've seen nothing to suggest that people no longer wish to connect with each other, but it seems that so many of our interactions are now through the glass wall of technology. We experience those who mean something to us as words or pictures on a screen, or a voice transmitted electronically.

Maybe I see things differently. Maybe that's because I'm an INFJ, an empath, a highly sensitive person or any other label which marks me out as different and serves to separate me from those I care about. Maybe that's why I feel so lonely.