A lot is said about empathy, but what is it really? We hear that it's an ability to see things as another person sees them, but that suggests a level of understanding which seems impossible. We have not lived one day of the other's life, and have no way of understanding how that lived experience may have brought them to hold the values, beliefs or attitudes they express through their speech and behaviour. We only see their speech and behaviour, and judge these through the values, beliefs and attitudes we have developed through our own lived experience.
It's like the surface of a lake on a sunny day. All we see is the reflection of the sky above. Our impression of the lake is how it appears to us, and we are unaware of what lies beneath the surface. Maybe we similarly look at others, hoping that in some way they will reflect aspects of ourselves. Empathy - experiencing things to some extent as another has experienced them - has to start from a curiosity about what's beneath the surface.
We may ask the questions. Do we, however, question with the intention of understanding? Do we question with the intention of adding our own thoughts, or dismissing those of another without ever truly understanding? It's one thing to reflect what has been said, to show that we have heard, but are we responding simply as an echo? We may have heard, but have we understood? Have their words added to or changed our knowledge of who they really are?
The way to greater empathy and understanding is in three little words, and the many ways in which to say them...
"Tell me more."
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